The Candid Critique: SWF Sunday Night SLAM
SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched SWF Sunday Night SLAM Episode 1 please do so now before reading this article. The ending was pretty wild to say the least.
Alright, let’s peel back the curtain on this debut of Sunday Night SLAM. We’re live from Brooklyn, the pyro is hot, the commentary is... well, it’s a work in progress, and the ring is officially a crime scene. Here’s the unfiltered truth on what went down at the Barclays Center.
THE GOOD: Pure Technical Dominance
Adam Greco vs. Ricky Romero
This was the right way to open the show. Romero is all flash and selfie sticks, but Greco is a reminder that at the end of the day, you’re in a wrestling ring. Greco’s triple German suplexes were surgical. Romero can complain about "the crime of wrestling" all he wants, but Greco proved that a crossface chickenwing doesn't care about your follower count. Winner: The Sport.
Miss USA vs. Diamond Dana
Match of the night. Period. Dana Cortez is a machine—that Diamond Lock transition was smooth as silk—but Amy Martin has that "it" factor you can't teach. The Star-Spangled Suplex for the win was a massive moment. The face-to-face with The Velvet Empress afterward? Chills. That’s how you build a main event for the PPV.
THE WEIRD: Multiverses and Mulch
Big Mama Johnson vs. Willy D
I don’t know if I’m watching a wrestling match or an episode of The Twilight Zone. Willy D is out here opening wormholes and talking to worms in neck braces. Look, Big Mama is a powerhouse—dropping out of a portal to bodyslam a guy is a highlight reel for the ages—but I’m still trying to figure out where the nacho cheese came from.
GNOME! vs. CYCLONE
The Mini World Championship was pure, unadulterated chaos. Leaf blowers, "organic offense," and a referee (bless you, Ben Hall) who looks like he needs a year of therapy. It was a car wreck you couldn't look away from. Cyclone reclaiming the title was a solid beat, but that cliffhanger ending with the feed cutting out? That’s either a tech glitch or the smartest move of the night to keep us guessing about the "Gnome-Storm" alliance.
THE UGLY: The Screwjob
Safari Jackson vs. Cassius Crown
Safari Jackson was robbed. Plain and simple. G Money is a parasite, and while Cassius Crown is talented, "stealing" a win after Safari did all the heavy lifting leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Liger Llama watching from the skybox with a llama-shaped disco ball while this travesty unfolded just added insult to injury. Safari deserves a rematch without the "Prime Cut" interference.
FINAL VERDICT
The Takeaway: SWF Episode 1 had a little bit of everything—world-class technical wrestling, high-stakes drama, and whatever the hell Willy D is doing.
Star of the Night: Miss USA Amy Martin.
MVP (Most Valuable Pest): G Money.
Next Stop: Pensacola for Friday Night FURY. Let’s hope they fix the cameras before then.
What do you think was the bigger shock: GNOME! helping Cyclone the Angry Dwarf, or the fact that Ben Hall actually survived that leaf blower?
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I'm Curt Candid and this has been my Candid Critique.
